It's now 5.59pm of the 31st of Dec 2014. Last day of the year 2014.... Time to sum up this year in this single entry. I supposed I can say I learned and experienced a lot this year. I learned a lot about myself and my life. I learned a lot about others and their part or role in my life. And of course I learned the best and worst parts of Love...or in Love. I cannot say it has totally been a bad year, neither can I said it has been a great year. From work I learned the experience of staying and change. I understand more what I want and what I need in life in terms of work. From work which for us common people plays a very very big part of time. We spent almost 1/2 of the time at work or doing work or thinking about work. Yet how can this biggest part be happy or bring happiness if there is no passion or joy in the every little thing we do? This I learned that I need something that is my passion or I am passionate about. It can be the only sustainable driving force for almost 1/2 of our time daily.
Outside of Love, I can say I finally found or understood God, and the message he has for me. For this I have sort of figured out my core I suppose. My core that transcends all levels of my life and all levels of my being. Being a live. Being where I am now. But also as my core is Love, but not the perfect God's Love, am an flawed and understand that my Love can be selfish, and most of the time unrequited. But then so is God's Love I supposed. It is the most unconditional and most unrequited at times to the human race that seems to not focus their life on Him but on more things and them self. I can said I loved twice this year, and it it true the more I loved with my heart the more heart broken I get. Especially when the word "impossible" comes into the picture. I loved one for his passion and life; I loved another for his character and personality in life and love. But yet both are beyond what I can have or need. I suppose at the end of the day its the path I chose this year. To return to a place that cannot give me what I need at this stage of my life. As my "problem" comes to an end this year, and this driving purpose goes away; I am forced to look for another purpose or in another word my true purpose in life. I cannot find it where I am anymore, as a dear friend told me before that we have to live by our purpose and when you cannot find your purpose anymore then its time to think about finding it somewhere else that can give you that purpose....also change is the only thing constant, and change is also the only thing that we have power over in ourselves. We cannot change others, we can only change ourselves.
I am not sure if I an doing the correct thing, but I supposed in the new 2015 it is something I have to do for myself. Its the only thing that I feel is the correct or appropriate decision for this part of my life.
As 2014 draws to a close, I live back the memories of the ones I love and ones I Loved. The moments and events that happen. I cannot control now my missing of it when change comes in the swift wind. I think as many would say that its easiest to rip a bandaid off then to tear it slowly. This change will come at the change of time, many will not understand, many will question is it what they assume, many will get angry(perhaps) and many will be lost. But I think at this moment I cannot worry about all these, and cannot stay in the moment of regrets I have gathered over years and now feeling the possibility of regrets in the decision. I have to leap first and see what comes....
So a Happy New Year to all and that may we all find what we are looking for in 2015...
Cheers
Augy
45532 I will always have memories...
I leave all with this song, the version that I like(as it is my blog, hahaha) have a good count down and a better New Year...
